5 Things You Must Know About Approaching Women
Approaching women can be tough, but taking the time to gain the knowledge that you need and get some practice can make the entire process much easier and less disconcerting. To help you better understand what women are thinking and how your participation sways the outcome of that first contact, here are five things you must know before approaching a woman.
#1 No idea about anxiety
The first thing you should know is that women usually have absolutely no idea that guys have to deal with approach anxiety. While this may seem impossible, it’s true. Most women have no idea that most men generally have a fear of approaching them.
When confronted with this information, most women just can’t see how they would seem intimidating or scary with their French manicures, high heels and short dresses. In fact, they are so oblivious to the fear that many guys have about approaching women that they think the reason guys don’t approach them is that the guys simply aren’t attracted to them. Now you and I know that it isn’t the case, but this is what is going through the minds of women while guys are standing across the room trying to get up the guts to just introduce themselves.
#2 Women whant to be approached
The second thing you need to know about approaching women is that they really do want to be approached and are pretty much going stir-crazy because quality guys won’t approach them.
I’m not sure when this happened, but somewhere along the way us guys started copping this us-against-them attitude when it comes to members of the fairer sex. Visit any forum about dating, seduction or learning how to attract women and you will see how we have somehow placed them in the category of enemies that we must target with elaborate schemes devised to incorporate a variety of tactics and tricks.
Part of our reason for viewing women as a kind of alien species that is impossible to figure out is, of course, to provide a convenient excuse when we get rejected. But, even though we might pretend women are different beings from Venus or some other planet that are put on Earth just to make our lives difficult, any guy who wants to actually be successful with women has to recognize that this simply isn’t true.
Women are just regular humans like us who feel joy and pain and are looking for someone with whom to share their lives. When their dogs run away, they are sad. When they win the lottery, they are happy. They really aren’t that different from us when it comes to basic human characteristics. The biggest difference between us and them are simply those that are based on us being masculine and them being feminine.
Here is the other thing you need to keep in mind: She is just as interested in meeting a guy like you as you are in meeting a woman like her, and she can’t figure out why you aren’t approaching her. And if you are one of those guys who still seem to be thinking that women might start making the first move at some point, you really might want to read up on how much women want a man who can take the lead.Now that we are on the topic of guys taking the lead, it’s the perfect time to bring up the third thing you should know about approaching women…
#3 Women want to be with leader
The number three thing to know is that you are the leader that establishes and controls the tone of your interaction with women. Women respond strongly to the leadership of a guy, and the high quality women you want to consider as mates actually demand it. While women look for things like ambition as indicators of your overall leadership skills, they also look to guys to take the lead in the moment. Along with this comes the simple fact that women will lead where you follow in pretty much any situation.
This means that if you are nervous and insecure when you approach women, they are going to end up feeling insecure as well. If you are awkward and pretty much a jumble of nerves, you will find that she will respond to you in much the same manner. And we all know that making a woman feel insecure when you are around is a surefire way to get absolutely nowhere with her.
Remember that a little bit of nervous energy is okay and can actually work in your favor when it feels like that adrenaline rush that comes when you meet someone you are attracted to. But if you come across as seriously nervous or insecure, women are going to think that is the real you and not just approach anxiety, since women are oblivious to that whole approach anxiety thing. This will set her up to think that you are socially awkward and lack confidence. Alternatively, if you are socially confident and enter every situation expecting to be treated and received well by women that you meet, then you will find that women will be more comfortable around you and will treat you as you expect – and deserve – to be treated.
#4 Be polite
While some guys expect to get a negative reaction from attractive women when they approach them, and some even believe that is the reaction you are going for, you need to know that a woman usually is only rude to men who are rude to her first.
Amazingly, there are some so-called pickup artists who are actually teaching guys that they are doing something wrong if women don’t initially respond with disdain or shock when you approach them. Now I will admit this used to happen to me – like in high school, but never since then. I have approached a lot of women in my adult life, and it has pretty much always gone well with no need for shock or disdain to get things going.
This takes us back to the fact that women are human just like us, and they respond to the leadership we present in the situation. So if we are rude to them, we can be pretty sure that things are not going to go in the direction we were hoping. This is particularly true of the quality women that you want to approach. If you approach a quality woman in a rude, obnoxious, overbearing, arrogant or insulting manner, you can expect her to respond to you in a similar way.
#5 Don’t be a jerk
After reading this far, you can probably guess what is coming next. But, just in case, I will go ahead and lay it out for you.
Here’s the deal: There is a good reason why lots of women think most guys are idiots or jerks. The reason is because the idiots and jerks are the only ones who are sacking up and approaching women, while the rest of us are going out of our way not to bother them. Sure, we are afraid of rejection and all of that, but we usually don’t put much effort into overcoming that fear because we also have this thing about being polite and not wanting to startle women by being some stranger approaching them.
We’ve sold ourselves on the story that we are respecting their space and privacy by leaving them alone, but this results in us quality guys remaining pretty much hidden, while the guys with no sense of social constraint or appropriate behavior are off approaching women and giving all of us a bad name. Their lack of social skills and disregard for what others might think of them allow these guys to approach women freely without even a thought about respecting them. Some of these guys even thrive on women reacting to them negatively.
Because these are the guys out there approaching women all the time, these are the guys women meet most often. This, of course, leads most women to start thinking this is how most guys are. Fortunately, there are a lot of women out there who still believe there are better guys out there, and these women are just waiting for us to make ourselves known.
Ultimately, the simple fact is that women meet very few men who are able to achieve that balance between being bold enough to make the first move, while also being man enough to ensure they will feel secure around them. This is the kind of guy they want to meet and the kind of guy you need to be.